THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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