nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
