I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
