Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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