Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
