I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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