I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
