Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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