perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I need to align my fucking chakras
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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