remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
