Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
