just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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