Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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