I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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