I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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