Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
