He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
