Having a random hookup so left but love u
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
