he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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