It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
