I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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