Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
