hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize