someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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