I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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