gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
