oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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