I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
