all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
