you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
