why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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