y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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