Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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