if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
