awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
