i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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