What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
