So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize