I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
