well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize