Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
