This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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