First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
