Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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