Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She bit a glass in half.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
