Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
