Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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