It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
