Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
