we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
