glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
