explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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