So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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