i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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