i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
