Don't you send me to vm
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize