My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
