I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
