I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
