I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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