The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
