We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
