TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
