oh god the rape fog is back!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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