Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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